REGRESSION BENEATH THE MEAN

dark-flag-classroom

I have never aspired to seek political office. Such striving wouldn’t suit me, and the work itself would likely bore me; my competitive and my reformatory energies both, I have expressed in other ways. But many nevers permit at least one aberration, and mine came in fourth grade, when at the last possible moment, I ran for class president. My platform? The ignorance of misogyny.

The otherwise unopposed candidate was a tall, somewhat stocky boy whom I remember to this day for his brush cut and his brash remarks belittling my gender. Be it classroom banter or playground bullying, he was unrelenting in his hateful attitude. I couldn’t stand it, and I couldn’t let it stand.

So I presented myself in front of my class, by the overhead projector, and made an impassioned, impromptu speech denouncing his language and behavior, asking my classmates in the most rhetorical tone, “Is this really what you want?”

How I wish I could revisit that scene and take in the view from the age that I am: the faces of my classmates in our poor parochial school, my teacher and how she reacted. That was before social media, before the highly public whisper campaigns that crush so many young spirits and regress to something well beneath the mean. I don’t know how I’d fare in our current culture. Back then, my cause triumphed in a landslide.

This past Monday night, between November 7 and November 8, I dreamed that I’d travelled back home to the Midwest, to visit the elementary school where the election that I’ve just described took place. I wanted to walk again the long, wide halls where our teachers hung our art, and the speckled black steps worn smooth as soapstone, leading up from the entrance to the main floor of classrooms and up again to the gymnasium where we congregated as a community, sharing school mass, meals, and spirit days. The stage there where, as a first-grader, I won the spelling bee, almost disqualified because I’d spelled education with a capital E, my teacher having told my class that important words get capital letters.

What I found in my dream, a dream that left me in waking tears, was that the building had been sold; the stairs I’d loved had been dismantled; and the whole thing was being renovated…as a luxury hotel.

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